Astrology


2018, June, Matt Keller

June 1st/29th: Pluto
On April 15th 1912 the infamous Titanic smashed into an iceberg and plunged into the cold depths of the Atlantic Ocean. What most people don’t know is that on the other side of the world in a small Korean village now called Mangyungbong one of the most notorious dictators was born. Kim Il Sung would grow into a world terror and eventually begin a conflict that still isn’t even close to being resolved. It’s going to take a lot more than Mike Pence in order to calm these tensions down but I truly believe the Korean government wants peace more than we think. You may not be solving the world’s problems but if your birthday is January, April, or May 10th you have a personal battle trying to settle itself.
Lucky numbers: 11,20,6,16,5,15,7,0,7

June 3rd: Mars
The fighting in Korea historically began June 25th 1950 when the Soviet backed North invaded the U.S. supported South by sending thousands of troops across the border. Significant military forces ended on July 27 1953 when a ceasefire was signed and the term police action state was used to describe the situation. Finally in April of 2018 both sides met in the demilitarized zone and agreed to formally end the war by the end of the year. Tonight the Moon aligns with Mars and everyone must admit defeat sometimes. Individuals born June or November 27th are beginning the end of their war while those born January 25th or July 30th are still in preparation phase.
Lucky numbers: 12,6,9,17,15,7,0,16,20,7

June 6th: Neptune
It may sound silly but that video game Call of Duty has done quite a bit to teach the younger generations the atrocities of warfare. Seventy-four years ago Allied forces stormed the beaches of Normandy and rumor has it Moon phase played a part in the timing of the invasion. I know for a fact the tide cycle was critically considered when planning the attack and we actually screwed it up. It’s hard to imagine just what the chaos on those beaches was like and I still consider Saving Private Ryan my favorite horror movie. Sometimes the night is filled with horrible visions and I predict nightmares birthdays of November, July, or September 8th. These individuals definitely shouldn’t take their imagination seriously today.
Lucky numbers: 16,21,6,15,7,1,20,7

June 9th: Uranus
I hope I don’t get neutralized for publishing this but sometimes I contract out my psychic abilities to the Illuminati. I’m not at liberty to say what I do but I will tell you the highest ranking member is the Queen of England. Followed by the Pope at number two and Michelle Obama as the number three, this trio controls most of the known human universe alongside multiple extra terrestrials. Now that you know this information your life is in danger and you should burn this paper shortly after reading. On a personal level those with birthdays of February 19th or June 22nd are especially susceptible to get caught for their mischief and anyone born December 22nd or November 24th should rethink their strategy when committing a crime today.
Lucky numbers: 19,1,24,25,7,14,16,20,7

June 14th: Mercury
Birthdays of June 24th are never gonna give you up. Those born March 23rd or September 26th won’t let you down. Birthdays of December 25th or October 26th will never run around and desert you. Someone born February 27th, January 23rd, or November 25th won’t make you cry or say goodbye, and anyone born April 24th won’t tell a lie and hurt you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just Rick rolled you guys with my horoscopes. HAHAAHAHA my Gemini rising signs loves it. HAHAAHAHAHAHA
Lucky numbers: 23,3,0,8,14,6,1,16,20,6

June 16th: Venus
It isn’t every summer we get to see Venus as an evening start and her beauty is most stunning when she follows the Sun. Add the glamor of the Moon and the setting duo is exceptionally spectacular. This sight can stimulate your loving feelings and if your birthday is July or November 25th and your considering proposing then do it. Consider marriage as well if your partners birthday is January 22nd or April 23rd. If none of these dates is your birthday then just go watch the sunset. You’ll thank the stars you did.
Lucky numbers: 25,2,7,8,14,6,1,16,20

June 23rd: Jupiter
If you don’t believe in space aliens think about this. Man first landed on the Moon nearly fifty years ago. Now, how many times have we been back? In five decades we’ve returned to Luna’s surface less than half a dozen times for a reason. The Moon is actually an extra terrestrial space base used to transport abducted humans and animals throughout the galaxy. President Franklin Roosevelt first authorized this program in exchange for the stealth technology we use in our fighter jets today. Scorpio and Taurus have enhanced psychic powers and if your birthday is November 5th or May 4th don’t be surprised if you get abducted or see some ghosts.
Lucky numbers: 2,13,21,11,9,6,1,16,20,6

June 27th: Saturn
Have you figured out your Moon sign or ascendant? Do you know where the Sun is currently transiting in your natal chart? How about Venus bringing love and possessions into your life? It will take a decent amount of research and calculating but the results are definitely worth it. Birthdays of March 25th and September 28th need some seriously soul searching and only the stars can lead you towards the cosmos. The scientific and intellectual side of astrology will intrigue Taurus and Virgo. Look at your natal chart more than usual if April 25th or August 28th is your birthday.
Lucky numbers: 6,5,28,16,9,13,1,20,6

June 30th Mars
I’m all about massive conspiracies and I think one’s a brewing in the NHL. I find it quite unusual that with 500-1 to begin the season the Las Vegas Golden Knights have made the Stanley Cup finals in their rookie expansion year. Never once in any major sport has a first year franchise made it to the championships and I truly believe there are multiple gamblers raking in the cash if they win. If your birthday is January or April 29th, November or August 1st, along with May or October 30th go make a wager for them to hoist the cup.
Lucky numbers: 9,2,19,13,5,1,16,20,5

Monthly Overview:
Summer officially starts with the solstice on the 21st and that means the fourth of July is right around the corner. The Full Strawberry Moon on the 29th is named for the coinciding of the berry ripening. No legitimate meteor showers can be seen during June but satellites and UFO are always spanning the skies. Mercury is a morning star and Venus shines in the evening. At midnight Jupiter is high in the sky with Saturn and Mars rising behind it. They’re all visible by 1:00am so if you’re out and about take a gander upwards.

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